You Can't Be Serious
by Andalusia25
Summary: These are 25 Drabbles from Bones’ POV as he takes care of the *young* and *lively* crew of the Enterprise.


**You Can't Be Serious – Otherwise known as WTF?! Drabbles, but I didn't want to offend anyone by naming it that on the main page.**

**These are 25 Drabbles from Bones' POV as he takes care of the *young* and *lively* crew of the Enterprise. As the saying goes - this is just for 'shits and giggles' mild parings.**

**Bones' POV ~ 25 (And the Southern Drawl is thick as molasses!) **

"Damnit Jim, you can't go eatin' some crazy ass shit that changes freakin' colors on every planet we stop at! I should just let you swell 'til you bust!"

"Spock you're the logical First Officer, what do you mean letting Lt. Uhura get this dehydrated?! I don't care if it was her idea! If I have told you once, I have told you a million times – Humans can't have sex a dozen times at Vulcan temps!"

"Kid, seriously? Come on Chekov, you ain't goin' to 'loose it if you don't use it' no matter what the hell Sulu told you! Aren't you supposed to be a damn genius?"

"Kirk I don't care how the hell this thing got up your ass, and no I don't agree that a good lookin' woman can talk me into_ anything_. You are goin' to have to relax or I won't use the KY."

"Uhura, you can't tell me that you have no idea how you got pregnant! You are married to the damn science officer!"

"Scotty, what have I told you 'bout working on the dilithium chambers while drunk?! Keesner you are in trouble too! I'd hide where ever that scrawny little ass'll fit 'cause I will be comin' lookin' for you!"

"Sulu are you _that_ stupid?! Fighting for a grown man's honor is kinda dumb! Chekov loves you even if you chose to use your head an' walk away from a brawl!"

"Every time I think I've seen it all, you have to go an' prove me freakin' wrong. Damnit Jim!"

"Wait, say that one more time, slowly, Gaila. You've slept with how many people?!"

"Spock stop blushing! You are freakin' glowin' in the dark neon green! Hell no! I am not going to tell Jim! Now just sit still, this might sting."

"Damnit Jim, don't you have any manners?! How the hell can you end up with so many away missions gone bad?!"

"Chekov would you stop! I am goin' to ask you one more time to explain what the hell happened, but if you say 'Sulu's rapier' one more time when talking 'bout anatomy I'm going to send you on your way without fixin' this!"

"No Uhura, I will not explain to the High King Certta that when human women are pregnant they tend to pop off at the mouth. You are on your own. I am a doctor, damnit, not a defense lawyer!"

"You know Jim, you don't have to bed every woman that tells you that you're hot. You could, maybe, just spend a night alone once in a while, damnit."

"Gaila of course 'it' is green! You are green! Don't listen to that drunk Scot! He thinks that is a come-on line!"

"Chapel, it's my off day, you can deal with it. After all, he is only 'sewenteen'."

"Spock, it's Pon Farr, I get it. You don't have to act like you're a kid tryin' to sneak in condoms!"

"Scotty, I ain't listenin' any more to this shit! You don't have to have my approval or anything else from me to have a three-way! Damnit!"

"Jim what happened to the good ol' days when I didn't just see you to have to treat you for an alien STD or to stich you up? Oh wait, that's right! You drank all my whiskey! Stop squirming, damn skippy this hurts!"

"Sulu, I don't care what made you think it was a good idea to have sex in the botany bay! But damnit if you give off any more strong pheromones while next to that lizard plant down there it won't just be the plant that beats your ass!"

"Spock if you are so worried 'bout the pain she's in, why don't you volunteer to carry y'all's next child?! I'll be happy to implant an embryo any time now!"

"Fine, Jim, if I tell you that you're pretty will you lay back down and let the drugs actually do their job, well their job other than makin' you look like a fool?"

"What a minute, Gaila, did you say the options were Keesner and Scotty? Come on! Were you drunk or just stupid?!"

"No Uhura, you opted not to breastfeed the baby. I can't help that your 'awesome boobs' are now deflated 'cause you chose to go against nature. Maybe next time you will listen to the actual physician an' not the captain tellin' you how jealous he will be of the damn baby!"

"Damnit Chapel, there are days when I feel like I am nothin' more than a sex therapist. And it really makes me mad that even Keesner gets more than I do!"

**A/N: Thanks for reading**

**I did this just for kicks. I hoped you laughed as much as I did while I wrote it. Even a review of 'lol' would make me smile, I'm that easy.**

**I was thinking maybe a Kirk or Spock POV? Hit the review button and let me know. **


End file.
